Intern #901232434323432 recently passed away in a tragic accident involving a fall from a very high place. The powers that be have denied requests for a funeral after he made an extremely offensive staff blog post yesterday evening. For those who wish to use his body/body-parts, submit the appropriate form for entry into the bi-daily corpse raffle. Ordinarily, this would not go into the incident reports, but complete corpses are so rare that we have made an exception.
Staff Blog Post
By Intern #901232434323432
THIS IS A HORRIBLE WORKPLACE! There are corpses everywhere and aliens keep invading through dimensional rifts. The powers that be don’t have any concern for worker safety, and I don’t think there’s even a way to leave this nightmarish facility. Order is kept by highly-armed physicists who seem to consider it a fun office activity to host brutal bloodsports in the cafeteria! The mismanagement is shocking, both literally and figuratively due to loose electrical wires dangling from the ceiling. Dinosaurs roam the halls and…[USER HAS DISCONNECTED]
The floor lava level continues to be 50% and rising, and it shows no sign of stopping. Fortunately, the bridges made of dead interns appear do be holding for now. I would estimate that we have another five days before the level reaches the point where we can no longer use pre-existing intern corpses and we have to start killing interns ourselves. Then again, Dr Nec-Rophilia seems to be using more corpses than are allocated to him, so we may be able to last longer than five days if we take some from his “project”. Seriously, what is wrong with him??
Time to reset the “days without an accident” counter, Dr [REDACTED] failed yet another experiment in portal creation. It took a whole squad of crowbar-wielding physicists to close it and clear out the monsters. Now I have to put another resource request in to the senior officials. Nice going, Dr [REDACTED] that bag of severed arms is going on your desk, not mine.